Writing mistake 3 – adverb or adverbose!
OK I’m sorry about the pun but it does explain another common writing mistake that publishers hate. The over use of empty adverbs.
We all use adverbs of course. They are part of our writer’s toolbox and we open it and pluck one out whenever we want to tell our reader the how, when, where, what or why of our story. Once in a while, however, instead of picking a nice fresh one off the top, we delve down to the bottom of the toolbox, to the flotsam and jetsam that has accumulated beneath all the useful stuff, and that is when things start to go wrong.
Actually, absolutely, basically, completely, constantly, in fact, largely, literally, quite, really, seriously, totally, unusually,very, etc. have become such an accepted part of everyday speech that we use them without thinking. If, during conversation, we say ‘actually we constantly use the word literally, completely and totally out of context‘ everyone understands us. They also understand Seriously, I absolutely agree with you. Not that we would go that far, of course, but you get the gist.
How often in your everyday life do you start a sentence with actually, or basically, or even hopefully? I do it often. It’s a bad habit. I try not to do it when I write though, not even when I use dialogue. I know we all want our dialogue to sound authentic, and we all recognise that we use different rules than when we are writing prose, but our characters still need to make every word count. If the word doesn’t add anything to the story then don’t use it. Basically he is telling the truth. I completely agree with you. He is really, really upset. These short sentences convey what is meant but the adverbs are superfluous. Basically doesn’t make what he is saying any more truthful. I either agree with you or not, there is no completely about it. Also it is enough that he is upset. Really, really doesn’t add a thing.
If you think I am being pedantic then go away and look at the good writers. Search for some loose adverbs. I guarantee you won’t find any because they will have pared down their sentences and their dialogue until it is precise. No superfluous words, just a word picture using the occasional good adverb.
Say we want to write about a small child who is sitting at a table, drawing…how do we make it more interesting? Why by finding a couple of the useful adverbs, so that soon she is sitting quietly at the table, her tongue nipped between her teeth as she carefully draws a picture of her mom. In just a few words we have drawn our own picture of that little girl. We can see her. We can see the table. We can feel her concentration. What if we changed it to…she was, in fact, sitting quietly though? Does in fact tell the reader anything else? Does he learn more about the little girl? I don’t think so.
Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I’m just off to revisit my latest manuscript to check out the adverbs…how about you? And after that I’m going to have another look at that publisher’s list…
Writing mistake 2 – the list maker
Onward and upward. The next mistake on that publisher’s list of ten is the listmaker!!
OK! You know you’ve done it. I’ve done it too. I have wanted to describe something to the reader but I’m in a bit of a hurry. Why? Well maybe I’m bored with the scene I’m writing (it does happen). Maybe I am eager to move on to the action. Or maybe I’m too busy thinking ahead to want to spend much time on this particular scenario. Whatever my reason, let’s say that I still need to convey to the reader that the heroine is strolling through a herb garden. What do I make her do? Well if I’m a list maker…she drinks in the bittersweet scents of basil, rosemary, sage, lemon balm, tarragon, mint, bay, chamomile, nasturtium….. See what I mean? You are bored already. There is nothing there that is real. It’s just a list. And unless the reader likes herbs, it’s not even a very interesting list.
The heroine (and the reader) would enjoy her stroll through the herb garden far more if… she picked a sprig of rosemary and crushed its needle-like leaves between her fingers, letting the bittersweet scent evoke memories of her grandmother’s garden…or if…she smoothed the silky new leaves of the bay tree with fingers already redolent with the strong scent of apple mint…
See what I mean. It’s a herb garden, so the reader already knows it’s full of herbs. The writer’s job is to make it interesting, make it come alive, make it mean something to your heroine, make your reader see her wandering through it. A checklist of herbs won’t do that.
It’s the same with verbs. Is your hero action packed or does he just do things? Say he is in a meeting. Most meetings are mundane at the best of times, so if your hero…sits at the table pretending to make notes and yawning as he tries to hide his impatience as he waits for the meeting to end…the reader soon feels as bored as the hero. If he stops ‘doing’ and starts ‘being’, however, then the whole dynamic changes.
If he…stares out of the window wondering how long it will be before the meeting ends…you have conveyed his impatience while hinting at further action as soon as he leaves the room.
See what I mean. If, when you revise, the sentence doesn’t convey anything. If it is just a list of things, or a list of actions, then ditch it.
The same goes for those times when you are trying to describe something technical. Does your reader really want a list of the inner workings of the car your hero is driving, or is it enough to know that it has broken down and that the hero is going to have to walk. Or what about the time that your hero was in in a helicopter? Did the reader really need to know everything about its take off and landing, and all points of action in between, or would it have been enough to say that it was about to run out of fuel.
Sometimes a more detailed description is necessary of course, but not often, and even when it is, think action, think about painting a picture with your words, do not think list. A writer has to know the difference and embrace it. So go back and start another revision…and if you come across a list…well you know what to do.
Writing mistake 1 – the repeat
A while ago I read a publisher’s style guide about the ten most common errors made by writers. What a mistake that was! Now I can’t read any book without dissecting the writing style, and it takes me twice as long to revise my own manuscripts too…although that is probably a good thing.
I’m going to talk about all these errors in future blogs, but today I want to concentrate on the one that has caused me the most problem ever since I read about it. The repeats. These can be a crutch word that a writer uses a lot, phrases that keep popping up, or actions that are repeatedly imposed on the characters in a book.
Lee Childs is a good example. Despite being a prolific and very successful writer, if you read his early Jack Reacher novels you will see what I mean. In several of them his female characters skip everywhere. They don’t walk, or hurry, or run, or stroll…they skip…into a car, into a hotel room, across the sidewalk, down a flight of steps. Even characters who are patently not the skipping type do it.
Then there are the times when his characters tidy any sort of paperwork. If files are involved then they always square then off against the corner of the table. Very neat and orderly I’m sure…but all of them? More random paperwork is butted together, as are stacks of napkins and anything else that is a paper pile.
In Lee Child’s case, however, so what? He is so successful that his popular fiction sells everywhere. He is pretty much a household name and I have to admit to being a fan. I like his characterizations. I like the way he paints a picture with his words. I like the mystery and suspense of his plots. Any aspiring writer could do worse than use him as an example of how to write books that are an enjoyable read and which sell.
And because he is such a skilled writer he has found a way of using the repeat technique as a positive too. Jack Reacher, his hero, is the strong silent type, a man who learns most by watching and listening, so the constant phrase ‘Reacher said nothing’ has become an endearing and familiar part of his books. It is Reacher. It’s Reacher’s tagline in the same way that 57 varieties is the H J Heinz tagline.
Sadly, however, not many of us are as successful as Lee Childs, nor do many of us have such a memorable and unusual (psychologically damaged) character as Jack Reacher, so if we want to succeed, if we want people to read our books without be irritated by repeat words, we have to follow the rules that he breaks…at least until we have a bank balance that matches his.
So go back to your manuscript and find your own repeats. I guarantee there will be some, even if they are nothing more than too many he says, she says phrases, or a word that you have used once too often. If you do this regularly you will soon become attuned to the problem and the repeated words will leap out at you., not only in your own manuscripts but in the books you read as well. In fact you will soon begin to enjoy finding an alternative for your own work even if it means a short rewrite, and who knows, if you do it enough then one day your bank balance might just match Lee Child’s. And when it does, you can break all the rules, because by then your repeats will look like taglines, not mistakes.
Papas arrugadas with mojo picon
I didn’t realize how much food featured in my books until I reread Accident-Prone (Avalon Books Dec 2011). I talk about it quite a lot during the early chapters when the different characters are getting to know one another. And one of the first meals that I have written about is when the heroine (Alex) is entertained on her first evening on Tenerife. Her hostess serves fish dressed with a green salsa sauce, tiny baked potatoes and a tomato salad. I will talk about the fish another time but today I want to introduce you to Papas Arrugadas(Canarian potatoes). Why? Well because they are served everywhere on the Island, they seem to go with everything, and they are absolutely delicious.
I first ate them at a birthday meal arranged especially for me by friends, and then I just carried on eating them for the rest of my holiday on the Island. Of course small Canarian potatoes are best but I have discovered that others will do almost as good a job. This recipe serves 6-8 people and should be served with mojo picon (pepper sauce) This sauce is a Canary Island staple and goes with just about everything, especially papas arrugadas
Papas Arrugadas (Canarian Potatoes)
2 kg small new potatoes
1.5 ltr water
coarse sea salt
Clean the potatoes well, leaving the skin on
Place them in a saucepan and cover with water and salt
Boil for 15-20 minutes until potatoes are just cooked
Drain and return to same saucepan with no liquid
Place saucepan full of potatoes over moderate heat and turn them 2 or 3 times
The salt will stick to the potatoes and they will become ‘wrinkly’
Mojo Picon (Pepper Sauce)
5 garlic cloves
1 teaspoon cumin seed
2 small dried chilies
salt
3 tablespoons breadcrumbs
1/2 teaspoon paprika
2 tablespoons red wine vinegar
4 tablespoons olive oil
1/2 cup water
Blend cumin, garlic, and chilies with salt.
Add paprika, vinegar and oil, and continue to blend.
Add bread crumbs
Gradually add water until desired consistency is reached.
The sauce will keep well in a sealed jar in a refrigerator. Serve at room temperature.
Happy eating!
After the ending…
After the ending? Why the next book of course.
Of course there are a few other things to do before I start that. Maybe I should shake the house out a bit. Sort out cupboards, clean out the porch. Do all those things that I have been putting off while I was writing. And there is the blog, and the website. Do those need a spring clean too?
The dog deserves a few extra treats as well. Maybe some longer walks, a bit more attention. I haven’t told you about the dog have I? Otherwise known as the constant companion, his name is Newton. To quash any thoughts of pretention though let me make it clear that there is no connection to the great Isaac. He was named by my granddaughter for a teddy bear in a children’s story book, and he is quite possibly the wimpiest dog in history.
Big and black with an extraordinary henna beard and a graying muzzle that makes him look far older than he is, he is loud and boisterous when he wants to be. That’s when he is not being frightened by fireworks, loud noises (fair enough), laminated floors, the doormat, doorways, drain covers, the dark, more than two dogs at once, being shut in a room on his own, sleeping alone at night, being left in charge of the house, anything new…
On the other hand he is fantastic with children, adores all people except the mail man and the window cleaner, loves swimming in the sea, rolling in the sand, walking for miles, chasing a ball, having his back scratched, his toy rubber chicken, sleeping for hours….
And just so that he can keep in with us he tolerates waiting in the car, long road journeys and patiently waiting for me to finish writing…
His ambitions are to chase my daughter’s cats (no chance), catch the red squirrels in the garden (no chance), sneaking up on the cream coloured sofa when we are looking the other way (double no chance) and being fed more than twice a day (treble no chance)!
His best friend is Peppa. She belongs to my daughter and often comes to stay and share his walks. At less than a quarter of his size, she isn’t afraid of a single thing, and is the most affable and tolerant dog in the world except for the times when she decides to sleep on Newton’s bed or when he steals her rawhide chew!
I’m not sure what I would do without either of them. Have a lot more time and a mud and fur free house I guess. I wouldn’t be as fit though. Walking a dog is the best antidote to the sedentary life of a writer…and it gives me time to think about what I am writing too.
Now, what was I going to do? Oh yes, start that next book.
Do you have a pet who keeps you company? If you do, please share your stories and photos too.
Is that it?
OK, so I finished the book. Somehow I managed to persuade all my characters to follow the story, except in those places where they led me by the nose. Matt and Alex are living in happy ever after. What now? Send it to an agent or a publisher of course.
This blog isn’t about the difficulties of finding the right publisher, or even about getting an agent to read the manuscript, though. It’s about what happens once they are interested, because one thing is for sure, a publisher will want revisions.
Can you face that? Can you face someone else messing with your characters? Because if you can’t then you may as well give up right away, or self publish. Self publishing is certainly an exciting option nowadays but it is not one that I want to pursue at the moment. I would rather have the comfort of an editor who wants my book to succeed. If my role in that partnership is to shake some cooperation into some of my characters, then so be it.
In Accident-Prone I had to make Matt tell Alex all about his past much earlier than I wanted to. My original idea had been a grand finale where all secrets were uncovered. My editor wouldn’t let me do that though, and as soon as I reread it I knew she was right. That part of my plot wasn’t realistic. Alex and Matt were spending far too much time together for her to remain in total ignorance of his past. If my editor at Avalon Books had allowed that to happen then they would not have been the rounded people they turned out to be. Matt would have been seen as secretive rather than introspective, and Alex would have appeared gullible and naïve, and none of those things were true to their characters.
I had to clarify a few things too, such as how their undercover buying set-up was actually going to work, and why Alex didn’t appear to know the name of Matt’s business partner when she first arrived in Tenerife. Of course you will have to read the book to find out how I did this. It was an interesting process though, and I learned a lot. Now I think much more carefully about what I have written before I send a manuscript off to the publisher. I double check the continuity too.
I am English and I live in the UK but, because Accident-Prone is an American publication, I had to change some of the language as well. That was quite an education for me, and I enjoyed it enormously. Nowadays I even find myself using American spellings and American phrases with a frequency that both surprises and delights me. It makes me feel part of a wider world. I also find that I enjoy American authors much more than I did before. So you see, having an editor is a good thing. It makes you think and it makes you grow.
What about you? Have you had to change things in your manuscript? Did you find it easy, or did it break your heart? Was your story the better for the changes? Do let me know. I would love to hear how you handled it.
The plot thickens…but not my way
First of all, a very belated happy New Year to everyone who reads my posts. I didn’t intend to be away this long. My plan is to post twice a week, Mondays and Fridays, but life just got in the way during the Christmas break. Now that I’ve caught up with myself and started to think about writing again, however, I have remembered that I promised to tell you how my stories take shape.
As you will already know if you’ve read my earlier blogs, I can’t write anything until I’ve found my hero. Then I have to find the woman he is going to fall in love with. After that the rest of the cast start to clamor for my attention, and by the time I’m done listening, the hero, the heroine and all the bit players are in place…now comes the hard part.
I already have a storyline in my head. I know all my characters. I know their backgrounds. I also know that some writers put these sort of details on paper, plotting each chapter in advance, but that doesn’t work for me. Although the outline will have been with me from the very beginning, from the very first moment that I conceived the book, I need to give it time to develop. I need to give the characters time to develop. So the story weaves in and out of my consciousness through weeks or even months while I am doing other things, until, eventually, the hero and heroine are so familiar that I can see them both together, know what they are going to do, what they are going to say, how they are going to behave. And that’s when I know that it’s time to start writing. That’s when the journey begins.
Problem is, the hero and heroine don’t always agree with me. I want them to go one way, they decide to go another! I have fought this battle often in the past, tried to make them do something that I cooked up on one of my daily walks with the dog, only to find out that while I was away they had got together and come up with another idea altogether, and a better one, one more suited to their personalities. Time and again I have had to remind myself that I should have listened to them in the first place.
In Accident-Prone, for example, I was going to make Alex far more spiky with Matt than she actually is. Why? Well because I thought it would make a better story. I wanted to introduce some high voltage clashes of temperament. Alex, however, wouldn’t play ball. She identified with Matt far too much, even felt sorry for him. She wasn’t going to make his life more difficult than it already was by being temperamental. It just wasn’t in her. So I had to make her the Alex you will find in the book. Creative, hardworking, empathetic, sunny tempered, brave…and just a bit accident prone!
I wasn’t going to give Conchita such a big part either until Alex ‘explained’ that she was going to need some help with the hotel.
Nor was Francesco going to be the monster he turned out to be.
Nor was Matt going to hire a goat…but you’ll have to read the book to find out about that!
Do your hero and heroine make the decisions? How do you begin to weave your story? I’d love to hear from you.